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Wednesday, 10 June 2015

World's Oldest Dildo

oldest_dildo
Not actually the oldest (keep looking, it's here. I promise)
Way back before the Hitachi Magic Wand, cave-babes had to deal with satisfying themselves when their men were off hunting.  (I know, I know!  But some girls are profoundly straight! > < )  So how did they tend to their urges?  A nice stick? No, too...sticky. Ouch.  Nope, like the Sodomites, when they were consumed with sin they turned to stone.

There have not been a significant number of smooth stone dildos found -- but c'mon, you think those sex stores created the idea? There are definitely some fine crystal dildos out there too. Of course, Romans used semi-precious stones to make dildos and the Chinese made some fine jade dildos. But why and which dildo is the oldest?

Why use a crystal dildo?
oldest_dildos1) Crystals have healing energy and will make your pussy happy
2) They are all natural and won't leak chemicals into your pussy (and stones are pretty much the most environmentally friendly sex toy material possible.)
3) They tend to be completely non-porous meaning the smooth ones don't harbor bacteria or pass on STIs. And they last forever.
4) The cool smooth shape is both physically and aesthetically pleasing
5) It's an awesome addition to your collection (and it's kinda nice to have something not 'cock-shaped'
crystal_dildo







The downside is: it's millions of years old...it may have been used before. By literally hundreds of people.

Bonus cringe: It could be passed down from mother to daughter!


OK, OK I promised you the world's oldest dildo and you think this is a bullshit plug for stone plugs. Fine. This is ACTUALLY the world's oldest dildo:
oldest_known_sex_toy
The Oldest: a 28 000 year old dildo
In 2004, German scientists from Tübingen University found this 28 000 year old dildo in Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm, Swabia.  It's the oldest known dildo.

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