Home for Wayward Sluts: On Trust http://kinkunveiled.blogspot.ca/?zx=8dcd321b700cd6d8

Sunday, 8 December 2013

On Trust

On Trust

A favorite zen tarot card of mine
One of the keystones of a BDSM relationship is trust.   Without trust, the slave will never be yours.  If a slave trusts her Master completely, she will submit fully.  If she loses trust, she will question, doubt and fear for her safety. Sometimes losing trust happens for a very good reason and you should get the fuck out...but other times trust is lost through bungling rather than malicious intent. So of utmost importance to a Master is establishing and maintaining trust.

A slave is consciously transferring her will and freedom to her Master.  And this takes a massive leap of faith and...trust. You just can't hand that over to someone willy-nilly. You must trust them. And without trust, she hasn't really and truly handed herself over.

So how does a Master establish trust with his slave?  First off, he must create a space of open communication which is non-judgmental so the slave feels she can freely express herself.  You must

Before a slave can give herself completely to her Master she must know that she can TRUST him. You must drop all your defensive barrier for this to be most effective. Girls can sense when you are hiding shit and any inconsistencies makes their alarms go off. So be brutally honest with her -and yourself.  If you don't understand something...say so.  If you don't know how to do something...call yourself out on it.  You are asking her to open up to you -- both literally and figuratively. And the price is your honesty.
You ask her to open herself to you 
1) demonstrate that you have the skills required to train her
 2) you make her free safe  (a knowledge of BDSM safety is key...but emotional safety is huge too)

 3) show her you'll protect her and demonstrate your loyalty

 4) be confident and have a well thought out plan for her

 5) be reliable and consistent: always do what you say

 6) be honest: speak from your heart (sometimes this will NOT what she wants to hear)

 7) express your feelings to her (it's way easier to trust someone that you understand)

 8) if you want to keep a secret: say so. eg. "I'm not ready to talk about my ex with you. It was a difficult breakup and I'd rather focus on you for now."

 9) demonstrate that you expect the same openness from her,  "Eg. Is that all there is to it or is there more that I would probably like to know?"

 10) if you do lie, admit it. And expect her to do the same.

 11) stand by your principals -- it's not a popularity contest

 12) be open minded and consider all the facts before making a judgement.

 13) be flexible -- if new information comes to your attention it is OK to change your mind

Suspended because she trusts you
 14) overestimate her -- not underestimate her. (This may seem simple to say but really, if a person is constantly overestimating you ...you try to live up to their expectations because they believe in you more than you might. )

  15) surprise her often. Why? Because it shows you care about her and have been thinking about her -- and this means kinky surprises. All surprises have to be kinky!

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